Am I Really Me?

 Being a senior this year, I can’t help but get sentimental at times. Thinking about this stage of my life closing out, it's starting to feel like I’m going to be entering an entirely different dimension, or suddenly reincarnate into the body of a college student, who is not me. That being said, I can confidently say that I won’t be “emerging”, I'll just appear one day and be different. So when Siddhartha realized, at the end of the book, that there is only the present and everything that has existed and will exist is real in the present as well, I couldn't get myself to adopt this mindset at first. It’s hard to fully comprehend that the fearful kindergartener I was who had no friends and wanted to pretend all day is the same person as the corporate adult I will probably be in a decade. And both these wildly different people are also me at this moment? It just doesn't feel real, even though it logically makes sense. 

So although I can’t fully comprehend how the transition will go at this point, I have been able to imagine and hope for how this new person will be. Most significantly, I’ve realized I want to bring aspects of those I admire with me. For example, I want to be as forgiving as my dad, especially to myself when I’ll likely struggle in some of my classes. I would like to be as generous as my friends so that people I befriend may feel as seen by me as I currently do by my friends. Of course, there are endless attributes I would like to give my future self. But I’m also hoping I’ll be able to recognize the endless past versions of myself when this future comes.