The Silent Sister

 Looking back on my childhood, I have vivid memories of interactions with my older sister. While some were loving and innocent, many were also intense and frustrating. When she would mess up my room or say something that upset me, I felt all I could do was cry and scream into my designated “cry pillow”. Although I got rid of that pillow years ago, my inability to fight back against my sister persisted, largely because I was scared of her and because I didn’t believe I could win. It became an expectation for me from my family. It wasn't until recently that I started to defy my sister. The first time I did, my mom told me to “stop fighting” my sister, yet completely missing the fact that she’s the one who stole my shoes or stained my shirt. Although these fights seem so insignificant to me now, I still remember the frustration I felt that my parents couldn't see that I had been holding my tongue for years.

By fighting against my sister, I had gone against the expectation to stay silent, and therefore became the sister that “caused issues”. There’s no doubt that this made me feel guilty, but I knew that I couldn’t have a “scream pillow” forever, and I especially couldn’t let my sister continue getting away with everything.

Now, I think my parents have come let go of that expectation and can see the reasons behind our arguments (although they still don’t like my profanity).